Making Friends with Hungarians

In Poland, we have a saying: A Pole and a Hungarian are like two brothers. We both like to fight, and we both like to drink. That’s how the saying goes. I think this is what many people commonly imagine about Hungarians—and about working with them. Now, we can assume that this saying, which blends humor with stereotype, might contain a grain of truth. But I believe—and I’m quite convinced—that there’s much more to know about Hungary and Hungarians than what this little proverb suggests.

That’s why I’m so glad to be talking with Aniko Uj, to learn more and to invite our listeners to explore Hungarian culture more deeply.

In this episode you will learn:

Why Hungarians might seem reserved—and what it really means
How handshake customs differ in Hungary compared to other countries
The role of food, drinks, and small talk in building business relationships
Why learning just a few Hungarian words can make a big difference
How Hungarians give and receive feedback at work
What to avoid in early conversations (hint: politics!)
How historical events still influence Hungarian drinking habits
The difference between direct and indirect communication styles in Hungary
Tips for working effectively with Hungarian colleagues—virtually or in person
Why building trust takes time, but lasts long in Hungarian culture

When you listen to this conversation, please think about any leader, HR, DEI expert that can benefit from it and share with this person later on. I really care to be reaching the right people with my content, so thank you very much for this in advance.

I wish you fun and discovery!

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From Hungary to the World

My name is Anikó Uj—this is the Hungarian pronunciation. You might notice a difference when I say it in English: Aniko. In Hungarian, it’s pronounced Anikó.

One of the first things people notice about Hungarians is our language. It sounds quite different, and most people also know that it’s considered very difficult to learn—which is true. Luckily for me, it was easy, since I was born and raised in Hungary.

I had a happy childhood, with parents who traveled a lot—including with the whole family—so I had early exposure to different cultures. Then I went to school in Hungary, in my hometown located in the eastern part of the country, a big, flat region. Later I began my university studies in Hungary, focusing on business, economics, and business administration.

First Intercultural Encounters

My first truly professional intercultural experience came when I moved to Denmark for a year of postgraduate studies. I studied International Business and Cross-Cultural Communication in Aarhus. Of course, I had already had some intercultural experiences before—mostly through travel and family visits. My family had relatives in what was then West Germany, around Munich, and we would visit each other regularly. But the year in Denmark was my first real eye-opener, where I learned what cross-cultural communication actually meant.

Later, I completed my master’s degree in Hungary and then went to the United States for an MBA program. That was my second deeply inspiring international experience. I studied in a very international group: 25 people from 12 different countries, all in one room for 13 months. It was an intensive program—and cultural clashes, along with personality clashes, were part of everyday life. But once we figured out how to navigate them, it became an immensely rewarding experience.

A Career in Intercultural Work

After earning my degree, I knew I wanted to work in a multicultural environment. I sought opportunities with multinational companies and eventually joined one of the global consulting firms. I worked there for 13 years, based in Hungary, but in a very international team. That environment allowed me to continue learning about different cultures and marked the beginning of my career as an intercultural trainer.

Initially, I supported expats who came to work in Hungary, helping them integrate—or at least understand—the local business environment, national culture, and workplace norms. That was quite a while ago—last millennium, in fact! But it was the first step toward what I do now.

Today: Trainer, Coach, Researcher

For the past 12—actually, looking at the calendar, 13—years, I’ve been working as a trainer and business coach, specializing in communication, especially business and intercultural communication. I support expats as well as international teams to improve communication and collaboration across cultures.

Currently, I live and work in Germany. I split my time between being a trainer and working part-time as a researcher at a German university. My academic focus is on communication with and through artificial intelligence—a new and rapidly evolving field that I find both exciting and important.

So, right now I find myself at the intersection of two cultures: the intercultural business world, and the emerging “AI culture,” which is shaping how we live, work, and learn.

Get to know Hungarian culture

Let me start with one of my favorite stories about intercultural encounters.

I was working with a team in Germany—mostly Germans, but also a few international colleagues—who were part of an organizing committee for an international event. I had been invited to support them in preparing for the event and to help raise awareness around intercultural differences. When I first introduced myself to the group at their company premises—a conference room with about seven or eight people—I said that I was from Hungary. Immediately, one of the German team members responded, “Hungarians are not very friendly people.”

I was completely taken aback. I held my breath for a moment because I see myself as a very friendly person! So I took a deep breath and asked, “Okay… what makes you say that? Do you know any Hungarians?”

He replied, “Oh, well, yes. We have a Hungarian subsidiary. We visited them last year for three days. On the first day, we introduced ourselves, shook hands, and worked together all day. At the end of the day, we shook hands again and went back to the hotel. But the next day, when we came back to the office, they didn’t offer to shake hands. That’s very unfriendly.”

Intercultural differences

That’s when I understood what he meant. I explained: “Ah, I see. This is actually one of those intercultural differences you’ll need to be aware of as you prepare for your international event. In Hungary, shaking hands is part of the introduction process. So yes, when you first meet someone, you shake hands. But we don’t do it every single morning when we arrive at work—and definitely not at the end of the workday when we leave. That’s simply not part of our workplace culture.”

In contrast, I’ve since learned that in many German companies—especially in blue-collar environments—it is still very typical for men to shake hands with each other every morning and afternoon. So, from this German colleague’s point of view, not being offered a handshake on the second day felt cold or distant. And based on that, he concluded that Hungarians are not friendly.

I don’t know if they gave their Hungarian colleagues another chance to prove otherwise.

Snap Judgments vs. Cultural Curiosity

This story raises an important question: How curious are we, really, about others? And how quickly do we make up our minds about people—or even judge them—based on a single behavior?

This was a perfect example of how stereotypes can be reinforced by first impressions. That German colleague essentially put Hungarians in a box based on one small cultural difference. And, over the years, I’ve heard similar feedback from other international colleagues who also perceived Hungarians as not particularly friendly.

It’s painful for me to say, but I understand where that perception might come from. Not because Hungarians are unfriendly, but because cultural cues are different—and often misunderstood.

Politeness, Gender, and Etiquette

Let’s take the handshake further. In Hungary, handshakes are more common between men than between women. When a man and a woman meet, traditional etiquette still applies. For instance, it’s typical for men to show gestures of courtesy or deference, like letting a woman go first or offering help. This is often seen as polite and respectful.

Of course, from a different cultural perspective—especially one with a strong focus on gender equality—such behavior might be viewed through a more critical lens. But in Hungary, many of these gestures are part of longstanding cultural norms and are not meant to be sexist. In many ways, Hungary values gender equality, but tradition still plays a role in day-to-day interactions.

In Hungary, we still maintain many traditional forms of politeness. It’s perfectly normal, for example, for a man to open the door for a woman or to offer help carrying something heavy. These small favors are still part of our everyday behavior and are not considered sexist.

Cultural differences between countries

Of course, in some other cultures—Germany, for instance—such gestures might be interpreted differently, especially in light of evolving views on gender roles. Things have changed a lot in recent years across Europe, but in Hungary, many of these customs remain and are seen as a sign of good manners rather than outdated values. It’s important to understand that these little gestures, while culturally rooted, don’t necessarily reflect whether someone is friendly or not. The same goes for other behaviors that may be misinterpreted.

For example, one of the most common observations foreigners make about Hungarians is that we don’t smile much—or at least, not all the time. This can be surprising, especially for people from cultures where smiling is a social default. Think of some Asian countries, or even tourist destinations where friendliness is expressed through constant smiling. In Hungary, that’s usually not the case. You won’t be greeted with a big smile everywhere you go, and this can add to the perception that Hungarians are distant or unfriendly.

But in truth, just like in Polish culture, smiling in Hungary often comes later in a relationship—after trust has been built or a deeper connection has been made. In that sense, smiling isn’t used as a casual icebreaker; it’s more meaningful when it happens. There’s a travel blog video I once saw that said, “Hungarians don’t smile without a reason.” And I think that’s a very accurate summary.

The Hungarian Language

Hungarian has a bit of a bad reputation as a foreign language to learn—and I’d say it’s a well-earned one. It really is complicated. And that complexity comes from the long and diverse history behind it.

Many people know that Hungarian and Finnish are linguistically related, and they often include Estonian in that group as well. When you hear people speaking Finnish, Estonian, or Hungarian, it might sound somewhat similar—at least to a foreign ear. But here’s the funny thing: we don’t understand a single word of what the others are saying.

Due to centuries of evolution, migration, and cultural contact, Hungarian has been influenced by many different peoples and languages. Over time, we’ve absorbed elements from various linguistic groups and mixed them all into our own language. That’s part of what makes Hungarian so unique—and so difficult to learn.

Language Shapes Communication

What’s interesting is how language connects with our way of thinking and interacting with others. I believe this isn’t just true for Hungarians—it applies to all people. Your mother tongue, the first language you learn, becomes second nature. You don’t realize how easy or difficult it is until you try to explain it to someone else. And you rarely know how it sounds to a foreign ear.

Take Italian, for example. Many people associate Italian with being fast, loud, and expressive—with lots of hand gestures. Even if it’s a stereotype, we have this mental image of how Italians speak and behave in conversation.

Hungarian, on the other hand, doesn’t give off the same impression. It’s not especially fast, not particularly loud, and Hungarians generally use less body language. (Well, not me—I’m quite expressive! But many Hungarians are more restrained.)

So, while we might not be as emotionally reserved as, say, an English gentleman or a Japanese professional, Hungarian communication tends to be more subdued. We often keep a straight face and a steady tone, showing fewer outward emotions and less body movement while speaking.

This contributes to the perception that Hungarians are more reserved, or even distant—when in fact, it’s simply a reflection of how our language and cultural habits shape our expression.

How to establish a good trusted relationship with colleagues from Hungary?

First of all, Hungarians don’t expect foreigners to learn Hungarian. We know it’s a difficult language. But learning just a few basic words—such as jó reggelt (good morning), köszönöm (thank you), or a nevem… (my name is…)—can go a long way. It’s a small gesture that shows friendliness, politeness, and curiosity. And that’s already a meaningful start.

Personal Connections Before Business

Hungarians are generally very people-oriented, and this is especially true when it comes to business relationships. If you’re working with Hungarians, don’t be surprised if building a personal relationship is expected before moving into formal cooperation. You might need to spend time getting to know each other—through small talk, social moments, or shared meals—before any business agreement is made.

Eating and drinking together plays a central role in this process. We’re very proud of our food, and inviting someone to a good dinner is a common way to build rapport. These moments are not just social—they’re foundational for trust.

Long-Term Relationships Matter

Hungarians value long-term relationships. It may take time to earn trust, but once you have it, it tends to last. Often, even when someone changes companies or jobs, the personal relationship stays intact. In fact, this is one way that business networking works in Hungary: people move between companies, but their trusted connections remain, and can open new opportunities.

What to Avoid Early On

If you’re just getting to know someone, it’s wise to avoid topics that might spark conflict—especially politics. Political discussions, whether local or global, can be emotionally charged and divisive in Hungary. While they’re common in private circles, they’re not ideal for building new relationships—particularly professional ones.

Instead, focus on finding common ground. Look for shared experiences, similar interests, or mutual connections. These are the things that create a real human bond.

Show Interest in Hungarian Culture

Curiosity is key. Ask questions. Show genuine interest in Hungary—especially Hungarian food and wine. Hungarians are proud of their culinary traditions, and of their local wines and fruit-based spirits. Many families have small gardens or farms and grow their own fruits and vegetables. It’s common to make homemade jam, or distill fruit brandy (pálinka), which is legally permitted in Hungary and culturally significant.

Yes, it’s true—Hungarians drink quite a lot, statistically speaking. While that’s not necessarily a healthy habit, drinking together is often part of social bonding. Tasting homemade wine or spirits is a moment where conversation flows more freely, and people connect on a more relaxed, personal level.

Hungarian Drinking Habits

Drinking culture in Hungary is evolving—especially among the younger generations, who are developing different tastes and preferences compared to their parents or grandparents.

Traditionally, Hungarians were known for wine and fruit spirits (pálinka), but in recent years, craft beer has become increasingly popular. Brewing beer at home has also gained traction. While beer was not historically Hungarian—it was more associated with Austria or Germany—it’s now becoming part of modern Hungarian drinking culture.

Historically, Hungarians were never beer brewers. Wine was the national drink, while beer was seen as a foreign influence. This perspective even influenced social customs: for a long time, Hungarians would not clink glasses or toast with beer. And the reason for that goes back to a powerful historical event.

In 1849, during a tragic chapter of Hungarian-Austrian history, an Austrian general was responsible for the execution of many Hungarian revolutionaries. According to legend, Austrian officers celebrated these deaths by toasting with beer. In response, Hungarians vowed never to clink beer glasses again—for 150 years.

And they kept that promise. For generations, Hungarians would toast with wine or spirits, but never with beer.

Now, that 150-year mourning period has passed, and attitudes are changing. People say: we’ve honored the past, we’ve grieved, and now it’s time to move on. Today, younger Hungarians feel more comfortable toasting with beer—and craft breweries are thriving.

So, are drinking habits changing? Yes, they are. There’s growing interest in exploring new kinds of drinks beyond the traditional. Are people drinking less? Hopefully! Though the statistics may still tell a different story.

In any case, the evolution of drinking culture in Hungary shows how deeply history, tradition, and identity can shape everyday habits—and how they, too, can slowly change with time.

A Shift in Poland: Alcohol-Free Beers and New Traditions

n recent years, we’ve also seen changes in alcohol consumption in Poland. One of the most notable trends is the growing popularity of alcohol-free beer. I’ve noticed a real boom in this sector—especially among younger people. Interestingly, during a recent visit to Germany, a country traditionally associated with beer, I was surprised to find that the selection of alcohol-free beers was much smaller than what we now have in Poland.

This shift feels like a promising evolution: maintaining the social aspect of “sharing a drink” while avoiding the downsides of alcohol. It allows people to uphold traditions of connection, hospitality, and relationship-building—without the need to actually consume alcohol. Perhaps this is something the younger generation is exploring and reshaping in our culture—preserving the ritual while changing its substance. And I think that’s a positive direction.

Communication Styles in Hungary: Between Direct and Indirect

When it comes to communication, a common way to categorize cultural differences is by asking: Is it a direct or indirect style? Are we talking about a high-context or low-context culture?

In low-context cultures, you need to say everything explicitly—explain in detail, clarify, and spell things out. In high-context cultures, much is left unsaid; people rely on shared knowledge, subtle hints, and context to understand each other.

On that scale, I’d say Hungary tends to sit somewhere in the middle—and it often depends on the situation.

Hungarians can be very direct, especially in situations where something isn’t going well. If we’re dissatisfied or frustrated, you might hear direct complaints or negative comments without much hesitation. This straightforwardness can catch people off guard, especially if they’re expecting more subtlety.

But in other contexts—especially group settings or professional environments—Hungarians might hold back. If someone disagrees, they might not say so openly in front of others. This could be due to group dynamics, hierarchy, or company culture. Call it peer pressure, call it politeness—it varies from situation to situation.

Conflict and Feedback

One of the challenges international companies face when working in Hungary is adjusting to these patterns of conflict avoidance. While there are certainly individuals who are comfortable with confrontation, the general tendency is to avoid open conflict—particularly in public.

This contrasts, for example, with German communication culture, where people are often more direct, even in disagreement. From my own work with Germans, I’ve seen a clear difference in how comfortable they are with openly expressing opposing views, compared to Hungarians.

In Hungary, we also have a saying that reflects this: If you want to give positive feedback, do it publicly. If you want to give negative feedback, do it in private. You don’t need an audience for criticism. This belief shapes how we approach difficult conversations and helps preserve harmony in professional relationships.

Final Thoughts and Tips for Working with Hungarians

Hungarians are often recognized—perhaps even stereotyped—for being a bit complainy. And yes, we do tend to voice dissatisfaction when something affects us personally or isn’t going well. But this isn’t usually done with the intention to offend. It’s more of a cultural habit: a way to express frustration, not hostility. Think of it as part of our communication landscape—not as a lack of goodwill.

So, how can you build a good working relationship with Hungarians?

Here are a few simple but powerful tips:

Be curious. Ask questions with genuine interest. Show that you want to understand, not judge.
Smile. You may be pleasantly surprised to get a smile back—especially if it’s clear you’re approaching with openness.
Express your intention. Say clearly that you’d like to learn more, get to know your colleague, or build a strong relationship. Hungarians appreciate transparency and sincerity.
Focus on building trust. This takes time, but if you invest in the relationship, it will often be long-lasting and meaningful.

These small gestures can go a long way toward establishing mutual respect and smooth collaboration. And in the end, that’s what working across cultures is all about.

Thank you!

Photo by I Do Nothing But Love on Unsplash

Making Friends with Hungarians - ASA 020